And her Madge-esty can well deal with the press as they try to buckle her iron will. But perhaps what she didn’t bank on was beating a German techno band that have blown her from the top spot in the album charts.

Only one week after her much-hyped Hard Candy hit the shelves, bass-thumping suburban clubsters, Scooter have knocked the old bird off her perch.

Indie label All Around The World released the album with little press fanfare, expensive posters, radio play nor TV campaigns but have grabbed the top spot in the UK charts.

According to the BBC, their album Jumping All Over the World sold 33,500 copies in its first week, 4,000 more than sickly-sweet producer-heavy Hard Candy.

Out in the nether worlds of satellite video channels, The Box and Flaunt have been pushing the upbeat borrow-a-beat sound for some time.

And Scooter have been massive in Europe for ages, selling Madge-happy amounts over the years (14 million records).

They’re best known for hits such as Hyper Hyper, Move Your Ass, Fire, How Much Is the Fish?, Posse (I Need You on the Floor), Ramp!, Nessaja, One (Always Hardcore). Which tends to suggest energy.

Forty-two year old Scooter frontman HP Baxxter is reportedly double-mad for it.

Comedy and pop aren’t usually good bedfellows. In recent memory, Jack Black saw his Tenacious D project flop tremendously at the box office with accompanying album resigned to the bargain bin.

Flight of the Conchords, the Grammy award-winning New Zealand duo have had us sniggering on BBC Four, following the fortunes of Bret and Jemaine who having left their native New Zealand, try to make it big in their adopted home of New York City.

The episodes are punctuated by songs and anyone who is a fan of the show will have a passing interest/ The Conchords debut is littered with top ditties from the HBO series.

The chaps’ skill is that they look like they’re not trying, unlike the comedy margarine that is Jack Black.

How they effortlessly pull off a Pet Shop Boys pastiche ‘Inner City Pressure’ that puts Tennant and Lowe’s output over the last decade to shame, is one in the eye for miserable serious-heads.

The Conchords have taken flight and have carved their own niche, look out for the ‘Post Punk Digi-Folk Parodists,’ section next time you’re in HMV.

We say: Chucklesome Kiwi’s produce tip-top debut.

They Say: ‘The music is often delicately lovely’ The Times.

Best Track: Inner City Pressure – Pressure on the Pet Shop Boys to pull their finger out.

The Queen of Pop took the nickname to heart when it came to her backstage requirements. According to the People, Madonna's, er, people told the show organisers how to treat their star in no uncertain fashion.

'Think of your own Queen and add a bit more,' was the headliner's reported instructions, as she needed two trailers for herself and her 70-strong entourage.

'She took a lot of accommodating,' said a source, somewhat euphemistically.

We don't know what Saturday headliner Usher asked for but, judging by his banter with the Maidstone crowd, a decent atlas might have been an idea.

'What's up Manchester?' he cried, to the general bemusement of all.

On the subject of bemusement, it sounds like Madonna left the crowds scratching their heads as well.

Her arrival on stage saw her decked out in black silk coat, black trousers, black boots and black gloves and carrying a silver cane. The Times reckoned it was an outfit designed to make her look tough. 'But with her trousers billowing above her boots like jodhpurs, she was less the raunchy temptress than the well-heeled woman in search of a horse.'

The paper admired her toned biceps and dancing, but reckoned the singing strayed off key during the short, six song set.

Doesn't bode well for the forthcoming tour, frankly.

Which is nice for people living in Manchester and not so nice to customers of the Royal Albert Hall who recently received letters saying that Doherty's show there had been postoned 'due to unforeseen circumstances'.

Er, yeah, your headliner being in prison.

But having been behind bars he'll be back behind the mic on May 17 to appear with Babyshambles at the 02 Wireless Weekender at Manchester Academy.

Other acts in the line-up include Shortwave Set, We Are Scientists and The Young Knives.

And following up on a previous story, if you want to see Coldplay for free you need to get to their website and try and win tickets for the London warm-up on June 16.

Otherwise, you can buy tour tickets next week... but you'll also need plane tickets because they've only announced US dates so far.  

Questioned at Limehouse nick in east London, the badly bee-hived singer was accompanied by her long-suffering dad, Mitch and was questioned under caution.

Mitch was the parent who recently called for his daughter to be sectioned under the mental health act in attempt to break the circle of her drug and substance abuse.

Arriving at midday she shouted from the car window: ‘I wanna go and play football,’ – a bizarre comment which supports her dad’s thoughts.

Wino was apparently smoking crack fumes and looked as if she were taking ecstasy, cocaine and half a dozen valium pills in the 19 minute clip.

Enough to fell an elephant and it would be pretty impressive if it were an Olympic sport. But it isn’t.

You need EPO and steroids for that.

The band will be releasing their – as yet untitled – 13th album on September 13.

So, to mark the occasion, they'll be releasing a single on May 13.

Then another on June 13.

Followed by one on July 13.

And one on August 12.

Nah. Only joking. It's August 13.

The first single will be called The Only One with another new track, NY Trip, as the b-side. The second single will be called Freakshow, with All Kinds of Stuff on the b side. That's the name of the track, by the way, not a description.

And attention all Cure completists: the a-sides will appear on the album but the b-sides won't, so you might want to stick a few notes in your diaries.

Details of the final two singles will be announced shortly.

The band, approaching the 30th anniversary of their first album next year, are also launching a major US tour this month.  There's no news yet of a UK tour but here's hoping.

Gravel voiced Seattle grunge veteran Mark Lanegan reteams with Isobel Campbell, from formerly fey indie types Bell and Sebastian for their second collaboration, Sunday at the Dirt Devil.

The ex Screaming Trees frontman and sometime Queens of the Stone Age axe wielder bagged a Mercury nomination for his first effort with Campbell, Ballad of the Broken Seas in 2006. It raised a few eyebrows.

There were inevitable comparisons to other similar paired 60-a-day gruff tones and sweeter female voices such as Lee and Nancy, Charlotte and Gainsbourg and in recent memory Nick Cave and Kylie.

It was a good album, but anything other than outstanding was lazily dubbed a ‘side-project’. So it’s kudos to them that they are back with a bolder and better album.

The strength of the juxtaposition is that you never tire of either voice, the often nourish bluesy folky sound could make this the sleeper hit of the summer.

At times Campbell slips back into fey territory, ‘Don’t You Cry’ sounds akin to her weedy solo efforts before she engineered the collaboration. But all is forgiven as there are so many gems, Keep Me in Mind Sweetheart and Come on Over (Turn Me On) are plain simple classics.

Lanegan has his finger in plenty of pies of late, his new band The Gutter Twins are fulfilling his urge for riff-a-long amped rock - but it could be his collaboration with Campbell that endears him to new fans to whom grunge is something around the bathroom plughole – the big softie.

We say: They’ll be hosting This Morning Next

They say: Dense with the sort of dark, erotic symbolism that comes as standard on Nick Cave narratives’ The Times.

Best Tracks: 'Back Burner', unlikely duo smoulder with added lumberjack.

In the second such gesture from the US rockers, the 10-track album called The Slip is a 'thank you to our fans for their continued support,' and can be downloaded from the band's website.

In March the progressive rockers (as in, they adapt to technology not noodle guitars and synths) gave away nine tracks from the instrumental Ghosts I-IV album, with the remaining 27 songs costing a whooping five bucks. So they have a reputation for screwing every penny out of their fans!

It helps, of course, that the band have the nest egg of having sold 10 million albums between 1992 and 2007 and they've a track record - if you excuse the pun – for criticising the record industry over hefty CD prices.

Singer and songwriter Trent Reznor laid into his former Universal label for 'ripping off' music fans and memorably told a gig audience to 'steal, steal and steal some more'.

The Nine Inch Nails have led the way for bands like Radiohead's – who let punters set the price of their album – and Coldplay’s recent decision to give away the first single from their new album.

The uberproducer / performer / guru – frankly we don't know what he does other than stick his name on the cover – is teaming up with Simon Le Bon and all those other blokes for a live show in Paris.

They probably won't be called Ronson Duran (because that sounds like a middleweight boxer) or The Ronson Duran Project (because that sounds like a 70's prog rock band) but, whatever they're known as, they'll be playing a gig together in Paris.

The event, to be called the Smirnoff Experience Paris – which makes The Ronson Duran Project sound pretty good now we think of it – will feature reworked versions of the band's back catalogue as well as sprinkling the Ronson magic over the band's recent less-than-steller album, Red Carpet Massacre.

NME.com reports that the acts have released a statement confirming that they've 'already started planning this collaboration with regular conversations from the road' and 'that Mark is now following up on with time spent in the studio.'

Ronson will play a solo show at the event – ooh, live knob twiddling, that'll be exciting – which will, apparently, feature Le Bon as one of his pool of guest vocalists.

We'd hoped that meant he was going to be the voice of women's smalls on Radio Top Shop but, typically, the shiny-headed tea loving New Yorker is cooler than that.

Hence he'll be doing a free hour at Phonica Records in Soho on May 9 before sliding down to the Indig02 for his album launch party.

The address, seeing how you should probably start queueing now, is 51 Poland Street, London W1.

That's the morning's good news. Worse news is that Lindsay Lohan is reviving her music career – with a helping hand from Snoop Dogg.

Not to mention Timbaland and Pharrell Williams.

The Sun calls Snoop and Lindsay an 'unlikely' pairing. We're not so sure. Lindsay whaps 'em out for a series of classy nude pics... then America's most aggressively heterosexual rapper expresses interest.

Coincidence? Hardly.

According to insiders, the song Dogg's given Li-Lo is 'amazing'. The album is due later this year and is, remarkably, out on Motown.

The album is an eclectic mix of Tom Waits covers, so it's not the pop fodder you would expect from a Hollywood sex symbol.

Anyhow, should Scarlett stick to the day job? Make your own mind up by clicking on the player above.

The Futureheads go all misty eyed for the transistor radio era in the video for their new single Radio Heart.

The official video for the second single to be taken from The 'Heads forthcoming third album This Is Not The World.

Radio Heart will be released on May 19th.

Ah-ha, the clever fella might have just heard that her marriage to dunderhead snipper-shagger Ashley Cole may be on the rocks? But no, it’s for artistic reasons, honest.

The Black Eyed Peas are currently in suspended animation while members of the group pursue solo projects and our boy recently collaborated with Cheryl on his new single, Heartbreaker.

'If we didn't have Fergie, she (Cole) would be in the Peas - that's how cool she is.'

And how hot!

Nothing like a beautiful women about to go on the market to focus the mind.

In another is-she-single-yet update, Cheryl reportedly said she thought the Mrs Cole tattoo on her neck may not be there in a year.

For god's sake woman, we can’t wait that long!

Madge is back with a beat-laden studio album and pervy new look but it’s only her business plan we’re impressed with.

The near 50-plus queen of reinvention has been in the game a long time and she’s fine tuned her business strategy to such a degree we wouldn’t be surprised if she was given an honorary MBA from Harvard alongside the inevitable MTV award for best pre-bus pass poptegenarian.

With her skilful manipulation of the music industry and her droves of besotted disco dolly and fag-hag fans Hard Candy will of course, sell. But is it all finally wearing a bit thin?

You couldn’t blame her for the odd stinker; her strike-rate is impressive and previous album Confessions on a Dancefloor was her best effort for years. Thanks should go to Stuart ‘Jacques Le Cont’ Price who produced a modern pop masterpiece.

Madge has always been smart enough to enlist the best of breed in knob-twiddling production and writing for all her albums. She’s either a pop culture sponge or pop vulture – you choose. And Hard Candy is nothing new apart from another new look at somebody else’s musical direction.

It’s like a best of the last 18 months, a mish-mash of all the pop music and culture trends stitched together by the ‘hottest’ producers (Pharrell and ubiquitous Timbaland among others), art directed by Madge herself, all appropriated from elsewhere and presented as original and unique.

That’s just the problem, with Hard Candy it’s  like she is playing catch up. We’re bored of beats -  especially from Timbaland - we’re not shocked by her overtly provocative poses – she’s trying too hard -  we’re suspicious of the mega deals with Vodafone and LiveNation -  especially when it costs the GDP of a small nation to see her live.

Madge we’ve sussed you; it’s all a bit cynical. Give anyone the best stylists, producers, video directors, PR team and they’ll likely have a hit. Mix it with someone of the naked ambition and drive to get things done and you’ll be hard pushed to muck it up..

Madge is the factory, and it’s she who is coming off the production line yet again – just with another paint job and whatever parts are doing the rounds. Unfortunately on this occasion it inspires as much excitement as a brand new Ford Mondeo.

We say: It's a cynical teeth rotting business this pop lark.

They say: 'your disappointment is tempered by the certainty that there'll be another Madonna album along in a bit.' The Guardian.

Best Track: Give It 2 Me, ska-esque greed-beat.

Simply by jumping to www.coldplay.com, fans of Chris Martin and his organic mates will also get a first listen of the music ahead of the album launch on May 6.

How very web 2.0.

The single Violet Hill will be available April 29 at 12:15pm which coincides with the track’s radio premiere.

How very mixed multimedia.

The same track is also being given away as a free seven inch vinyl with NME, on, yes you guessed it, May 6.

How very retro media.

Coldplay are also going to play two free shows at London’s Brixton Academy and New York’s Madison Square Gardens on June 16 and June 23.

How very equalitarian.

Her £10m fortune puts her alongside mega-jawed reality popstar Will Young and ‘is that a Kestrel on your shoulder’ Craig David.

The most loaded under 30-years-old music person is Dhani Harrison. Who he, you may ask. Well, if we told you his dad was George and an ex-Beatle, you can understand why he’s worth an estimated £160m.

Well done him, for being born.

Fiddling fitty Vanessa-Mae Nicholson, who was to blame for a plethora of classical hotties in push-up bras, shows plucking her own personal Stradivarius pays off as she comes in at No2 with a cool £32m.

The bods in Coldplay that you might find more difficult to name (ie not Chris Martin) Guy Berryman, Jonny Buckland and Will Champion are in third place with £30m each. Chris Martin, you see, is 31 years old.

Warbling Welsh talkshow windbag Charlotte Church and her rugger gel prince Gavin Henson are No9 on the list.

The highest new entry is Manchester-born fashion model Karen Elson, who with White Stripes frontman Jack White, are worth £25m.

Well done, all of you. You’ve all down frightfully well.

Dhani Harrison (£160m)
Vanessa-Mae Nicholson (£32m)
Guy Berryman, Jonny Buckland, Will Champion (£30m)
Karen Elson and Jack White (£25m)
Katie Melua (£18m)
Joss Stone (£12m)
Charlotte Church and Gavin Henson (£11m)
Craig David, Amy Winehouse, Will Young (£10m)

Source: The Sunday Times

With the White Stripes on hiatus, The Raconteurs will join The Verve, Kaiser Chiefs and KT Tunstall in Cornwall through the summer months.

The line up is taking shape and plays out as follows;

June
27 The Verve
29 The Raconteurs

July
15 Kaiser Chiefs
25 KT Tunstall

It’s going to be a busy summer for Whitey’s side project, they will also feature at T in the Park, Radio 1’s big weekend and the behemothic Reading and Leeds festivals.

The corduroy-loving rockers have recently released a new album, Consolers of the Lonely.

If Rock isn’t your bag you can always catch up with The Rizla Invisible Players, who have just announced their line up for 2008.

Invisible Players are a creative collective of DJ's, playing out of a van, at three club dates around the UK and three of the big summer festivals - Rockness, The Big Chill and Bestival.

The line up consists of the Radio 1 Breakbeat legend - Annie Nightingale, top DJ and Bjork collaborator Justin Robertson, Greg Wilson of Hacienda fame and Hip Hop producer and 'Urban decorator’ (PC loony for graffiti artist) Kid Acne.

It’s a bit of a bun fight with all the festivals this summer battling for music hungry punters but as Glastonbury disappears up its own botty, the smaller fests look worth packing your camper van.

The Jets don dapper 80s gear and arse around with girls and retro phones in this brilliant vid.

The Eel Pie Island-based band release this single on June 2nd.

The Council's strange hunt has the strange backing of the strange likes of Sting, Richard Hawley, Jamelia and – yes! - Engelbert Humperdinck.

The stars – and Englebert – will be giving their backing to one of the 10 cities that are competing for the title.

Jamelia is backing her homtown of Birmingham which, she reckons – according to the BBC – is a 'diverse musical melting pot which represents a city's people.'

Jenny Frost of Atomic Kitten is also involved, supporting Liverpool, we assume.

London's representative would appear to be Camden's own Suggs. Hawley is obviously Sheffield. And Sting will be supporting... what, 400 acres of Wiltshire estate? Or possily his hometown of Newcastle.

Well, it was either him or Jimmy Nail.

'Music is at the centre of our culture,' explained Mary Alice Stack from the Arts Council, 'one of our greatest exports and an endless source of debate.'

There is a point to the competition - aside from the chance for residents of the winning place being able to travel the country boasting 'we are considerably more musical than yow' – and that's the areas' unsigned acts.

They can register online at the Arts Council website – the cunningly titled www.artscouncil.org.uk – for the chance to represent their city at the End of the Road gig in Dorset later this year.

Arctic Monkeys frontman Alex Turner and Miles Kane for the Rascals are going to have a party - but it's a serious one where a worthy cause gets a mention in among the drinks, canapés and chatter.

It's not too difficult to scrape away at the influences of their album, The Age of The Understatement. In a dozen tracks it's packed with melodrama, confidence and attempted wit. Yes, these guys are musical but they want you to know they’re having fun.

And this is perhaps where the album falls down. It's too achingly-self-conscious of its roots, too concerned with acknowledging its musical origins to be completely cut free and original.

There's an early David Bowie sound coursing through the veins of this album. And Scott Walker from the Walker Brothers adds the lush sounds of the late 60s to become their mentor.

Both Turner and Kane are only 22. They are undoubtedly successful and talented and The Last Shadow Puppets apparently was recorded in just two weeks in a studio in France. Perhaps that's just showing off a bit because it's so polished and mature it misses any edge of rawness.

These guys seem happy with the cards life has dealt them and there's little angst on show. They're happiest still when doing more up-tempo tracks but having said that, Black Plant and The Chamber are quickly forgotten.

This is not a butch or blokey album and it jumps from tango beats to full orchestral verdant sounds.

Calm Like You is a standout track but taken as a whole, it's difficult not to conclude the boys think they are the first people to discover Scott Walker and they're going to crank up the volume to force everyone to listen.

It's done with a smile on their face but even infectious enthusiasm can be annoying.

MegaStar says: Yes, we've heard Scott Walker before, honestly

They say: 'Widescreen, billowy and bombastic these arrangements may be, but there’s no room for camp orchestral flam.' NME

Best Track: Calm Like You – enjoy the lyrics and learn

Certainly not openly abusing drugs and looking ravaged, sick and in need of treatment after it was announced she has been nominated for Ivor Novello songwriting awards.

Currently penning the new James Bond theme with uber-producer Mark Ronson, she along with Kate Nash lead the Brit challenge with her two tracks, You Know I’m No Good and Love is a Losing Game, for the coveted best song award.

Nash gets the nod for her debut single, Foundations.

The now iconic Rehab track is also up for the best-selling British song, after it won best contemporary song last year – a life imitating art prize, we suppose.

In Rainbows - the Album from Radiohead that was controversially ‘sold’ to the punter at whatever price they saw fit - will be going head-to-head with Stephen Fretwell and Cherry Ghost for the best album gong.

The event will be held in London on May 22 and currently there aren’t any odds being offered from bookies as to if Amy will be in a fit state to attend or perform.

So let’s get this over with: 'doesn’t she look hot' and 'oh, she’s nearly 50, you know', and 'she really IS the queen of reinvention.'

Right, done it.

Stifled yawns all round but a half-decent track with old Trousersnake helps the cause and easily knocked Estelle into second spot.

According to NME.com, Madge has now stretched her lead over Kylie as the most successful solo female artist – her 13 No1s compare to Minogue's seven.

Meanwhile over in album world, The Kooks go straight in at No1 with the much-hyped Konk, while Mariah Carey's London visit helped boost sales of her E=MC2 new album debuting at No3.

Ho-ho. What a pair of wags.

The free download entitled, elpuoC ddO ehT (The Odd Couple, backwards), comes in at a 38mins 45 secs and is a hilarious attempt to extend the shelf-life of publicity for their album released last month.

If you're so inclined, you can get it here: www.fronttobackbacktofront.com

And as if he hasn't been in the news enough lately, Jay-Z has announced tour dates for the UK.

Controversy over his headlining Glastonbury has not stopped the uber DJ/hip-hop/producer announcing a tour including Bournemouth International Centre on July 15.

Then it's Glastonbury festival on June 28 and the Milton Keynes Bowl with Linkin Park on June 29 and the O2 Wireless Festival in London on July 3.

Somewhat pees on the Glastonbury organiser’' claims he would only be playing one UK event this year.

Her debut album Spirit shot to the top of the charts just three weeks after her single landed the top spot. It seems the Cowell-inspired Lewis might be a bit of a success.

In numbers, Spirit sold 205,000 copies in its first week, helpfully being billed Stateside as the heir to the defrocked former princess of soul, Whitney Houston.

Think back if you are old enough to the scrapped-back honey-haired wonder of Sade and you’ll find the last UK woman to hit the US top slot. And that in 1986.

Simon Cowell said: ‘What Leona has achieved is simply incredible. This is the hardest market to crack and for her debut album to go in at No1 is unbelievable.’

Now, change that last quote, swapping the name Leona for Simon Cowell and you can understand the little big-head’s joy.

Nice work.

Diane is out on the 5th of May and the boys are on tour now, in the meantime enjoy their latest vid.