Batmobile alternatives: What cars should the everyday superheroes have?
Last night I went to see The Dark Knight and I was pretty impressed. The action was fast and furious, the characters twisted and tormented, and the car, well the car was pretty cool. My favourite part of the tank like Tumbler would have to be the different modes it could be set too, where you could choose from Loiter, Intimidate and Attack. It also turned into the Batcycle when damaged, and that was really awesome.
It wouldn't be that handy down the supermarket though, as it would be a nightmare to park. So what kind of supercar would be suitable for everyday use? I take a look at what everyday people would want from their vehicles.
The Chavmobile
Perfect for Essex inhabitants and those with WAG aspirations, a Smart Car is the ideal form of transport to get them from the manicurist to the mall. It would come equipped with a folding full size mirror, vanity table, and a tanning bed that fitted into the trunk. When you press a button beneath the steering wheel the car erupts with rhinestones, and there's the option of a disco ball on the roof. There are three modes you can set: Irritate, Annoy and Disrespect, which cause it to play unfeasibly loud music from concealed speakers.
The Yummy Mummy
Best known for roving the street of Hampstead in a 4x4, her super car is an off roader with special features. There's a noise cancelling screen that separates her from the kids screaming, and a special minimiser button that lets her fit into any parking space. She also is fully equipped with a number plate shield; perfect for when she has to speed for an urgent pick up. There's a full size freezer in the boot to keep the groceries cold, and a lifetime supply of chardonnay for when she needs to unwind. It can also convert into a pushchair, Transformers style, if she's out and about; an updated version of the popular Bugaboo. It would have an anti gravity button so there would be no weight when she starts loading up with her Harrods shopping bags.
Student
Now these guys have certain requirements for their cars. They're looking to get the maximum learning done in the shortest amount of time so the air conditioning pumps out pure oxygen to leave their minds refreshed. There's also a special vacuum button if they're looking to clean the car without any effort, and it also removes all traces of illicit substances. There are concealed apartments to keep items away from prying eyes, and you have the option of setting it to cruise if you're looking for some shut eye whilst you drive. And naturally the car runs on beer, so you never have to worry about running out on a road trip!
The Cockmobile
Now this guy is looking for a car that screams 'look at me,' so what could be better than a giant penis? Perfect for those going through a mid life crisis, not so good for those suffering the dreaded man-droop. The car runs on Viagra, so the battery life is excellent, and it travels at great speeds. It's equipped with Lynx air freshener, to make the lay-deez flock around it. It has a built in phone and the dashboard connects directly to the Playboy Mansion. There's also the option of a spray on toupee if you wish, colour choices of dark brown and silver. The car can be set to Prowl, Sleaze or Crisis depending on your mood.
I think this covers the unsung heroes of everyday, and won't they be much happier now they have a car that caters to their needs?
PS. This article in no way constitutes possible cars or models in production, It is written purely for my own satisfaction and any resemblance to real life is purely imaginary.
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