Disaster Movie
*
Cert: 12A, 89 mins
Starring: Matt Lanter, Carmen Electra, Kim Kardashian
There’s really no point reviewing the films in the spoof  Movie franchise. It’s like trying to critique Angel Delight. Some people clearly like it, whereas most would shudder at the thought. That said, the pop culture gags that, along with ass shots, constitute the films do act as a useful precis of the past year’s concerns. Here, we have nods to High School Musical, Juno and an Amy Winehouse impersonator, who we see downing a bottle and belching protractedly in someone’s face. Then, when you think she’s stopped, doing it again. And again.

Never Apologise
***
Cert: 15, 111 mins
Starring: Malcolm McDowell
Niche with a capital N (and an I, C, H and E) this is a filmed one-man show by Malcolm McDowell in celebration of the late, left-wing director Lindsay Anderson. But wait! Yes, it helps a lot if you have some knowledge of Anderson’s work (1968’s If..., starring McDowell, is his best known), an interest in last century’s film industry and a tolerance for luvvie ­anecdotes, but those without can still appreciate McDowell’s story-telling talents. At the very least, this is a heartening reminder that some view film as a force for good, rather than a repository for lowest common denominator crap (talking to you, Disaster Movie).

Bangkok Dangerous
***
Cert: 18, 99 mins
Starring: Nicolas Cage
This perfectly decent remake of a 1999 Thai action flick sees Cage as an anonymous hitman in Bangkok on a multi-target job. All is going to robo-killer plan until he meets a deaf and dumb local girl whose fragrant innocence, and lack of ability to ask “so, what is it exactly that you do?”, prompts him to break his own rule and unlock the reinforced steel briefcase containing his heart. Cue moral tussles, dereliction of duty, scenic shoot-em-ups and a surprisingly bleak ending, all shot with style by the Pang Brothers.

The Duchess
***
Cert: 12A, 110 mins
Starring: Keira Knightley, Ralph Fiennes
How do you feel about the half-pout, half-smirk thing Keira Knightley does? Your answer will determine your enjoyment of her in-every-scene turn as Georgiana, Duchess of Devonshire, the spirited 18th-century ancestor of Princess Diana whose story – loveless marriage, huge fame, great frocks, an illegitimate child – was in some respects eerily prescient. The Duke ­(Fiennes) even has a liking for sturdy women – the only reason we can glean for his neglect of his wife, as the film isn’t brave enough to give her any real character flaws. In short, it’s a handsome, on-the-nose production with everything you’d expect and, alas, nothing you wouldn’t.

Sweet Land
****
Cert: PG, 110 mins
Starring: Elizabeth Reaser, Tim Guinee, Alan Cumming
A small, tender poem about love and applauseless lives in 1920s rural America, Ali ­Selim’s film tells the story of farmer Olaf and his mail-order bride Inge. The era’s Puritanism and their language barrier means their relationship ­develops chastely and mostly non-verbally through working ­together in the fields and glances over the dinner table. It may sound dull, but it’s not. It’s a life-enhancing, often funny love story which credits its audience with intelligence and might well bring a tear to the eye.