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My role in Pope’s plot to conquer the world

Mon, 06 Apr 2009 12:46:03 GMT

I had no sooner read Jeffrey Donaldson’s views on why Catholics can’t be kings, their allegiance to the Vatican and the Act of Succession and when the telephone rang — it was Pope Benedict on the line for me. “Hello, Pól, wie geht’s?” (He is always very informal when he rings me.)

Let bankers pay dues by cleaning up

Mon, 30 Mar 2009 09:40:53 GMT

Is there anything more soul-destroying than housework? I doubt it. The vacuum cleaner is no sooner run over the floor than, mysteriously, the floor is covered in biscuits crumbs again. The table is no sooner cleaned than spots of juice appear apparently without cause.

This Gael will go anywhere for a fry-up

Mon, 16 Mar 2009 09:39:01 GMT

Just because Here is small does not mean that you can’t get lost.

Why it’s time to throw the book at the on-line critics

Mon, 09 Mar 2009 07:39:28 GMT

Shopping on the Internet used to be just a question of clicking and ordering.

In denial? It’s a fast way to a good Lent

Mon, 02 Mar 2009 13:57:18 GMT

The odd thing about Lent is how often you realise that people do make the effort to give something up.

How GAA’s Ryan proved he was not a soft touch

Mon, 23 Feb 2009 13:49:43 GMT

So to Omagh and the Nutcracker Suite — and I am not talking about the ballet.

Sinn Fein Irish is enough to make you sic

Mon, 16 Feb 2009 07:32:10 GMT

Another European poll looms and a very glossy brochure arrives from Sinn Féin.

So, eggsactly how does all our food get to the table?

Mon, 09 Feb 2009 12:17:42 GMT

I do not need a television chef to tell me about how estranged I am from my food sources — and how seriously we take food when we use existential philosophical terms (estranged) to write about food. I know that I know nothing about food.

Why we don’t get it right on Middle East

Mon, 02 Feb 2009 07:00:16 GMT

Do you know many Israeli or Arab writers? Not ‘know’ in the sense that you run into them as you are walking down Royal Avenue but ‘know’ in the sense of having a couple of their books on your shelf?

Why we must be Christian to these Brothers

Mon, 26 Jan 2009 08:38:45 GMT

So farewell then Christian Brothers. After 150 years, the Brothers have given control of their schools in the North over to the Edmund Rice Schools Trust Northern Ireland and have ended their day-to-day involvement.

Rev Paisley has left me lost for words

Mon, 19 Jan 2009 11:08:28 GMT

Reverend Ian Paisley launches Irish-language exhibition. Yes, it's Monday and you are tired so I will repeat that:

Atheists' God does not exist campaign - Why we’re all set to go to hell in a bus

Mon, 12 Jan 2009 07:00:00 GMT

Spending money to disprove something never makes much sense to me, hence my confusion with the latest campaign by atheists in the UK to convince people that God does not exist.

One drink for drivers is one too many

Mon, 05 Jan 2009 07:00:07 GMT

Few drivers could fail to have noticed the adverts and motorway signs that urged us all not to drink and drive — which is not to say that everyone was paying attention.

Pól Ó Muiri: Flights of fancy as old year wings off

Mon, 29 Dec 2008 00:00:10 GMT

It was that great scholastic philosopher, Saint Augustine, who asked “what is time?” However, most of us are probably more familiar with Johnny Logan’s philosophic, and much more melodic, interpretation of Augustinian inquiry when he sang “What’s another year?”

Will reporters put the boot into our MLAs at Stormont?

Mon, 22 Dec 2008 09:31:16 GMT

US President George W Bush takes cover from a pair of shoesIraqi journalist, Muntazer al-Zaidi, has become famous throughout the world after he threw his shoes at US president, George Bush, while also, for good measure, calling Bush a “dog”.

I’ll raise a glass to my life of total abstinence

Mon, 15 Dec 2008 07:43:31 GMT

I don’t drink — though it is impossible to escape drinking during the festive season.

My daughter is trying to wear me out

Mon, 08 Dec 2008 08:37:23 GMT

According to my three-year-old daughter, as she again refuses to put on her jumper for nursery, “blue is a boy’s colour”.

Why we must fly the flag for shopping in the north

Mon, 01 Dec 2008 08:50:41 GMT

Ah, partition. Don't you just love the confusion it causes?

Pól Ó Murirí: What a thought, Zulu Provos in leather thongs

Mon, 24 Nov 2008 13:25:10 GMT

You would need a degree in international affairs to keep up with cultural developments here. Gerry Adams has added another dimension to the whole business when he said in a recent speech in the US that he considered unionism had an ‘Afrikaner’ wing with which it was hard to do business.

Dear Peter and Martin, have you no shame as people go to the wall?

Mon, 17 Nov 2008 09:33:04 GMT

Not long to go now before Stormont is on its holidays again. I refer to the 108 folks on the hill.

Now parties need to wake up to reality

Mon, 17 Nov 2008 09:30:24 GMT

You know things are bad in the economy when you give money to businessmen and it still does not cheer them up.

The selfish oafs driving me car-azy

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 07:00:45 GMT

When is a zebra crossing not a zebra crossing?

Calling on all armchair activists, it’s time to vote with your feet up

Mon, 03 Nov 2008 07:00:49 GMT

The message from the newest political movement to sweep across the North? SOS. But don't panic.

On a Hyde-ing to nothing over the language debate

Mon, 27 Oct 2008 09:11:23 GMT

I was in Roscommon last week to attend an annual conference held in memory of Douglas Hyde — Roscommon’s most famous son, Protestant, Irish speaker and first president of an independent Ireland.

George Bush suddenly looks a little red

Mon, 20 Oct 2008 09:20:30 GMT

George W Bush has taken the recent criticism by Russian prime minister Vladimir Putin of the US banking system to heart and has struck back as only Bush can do.